Yesterday I got a 17 page email from my lovely friend Sydney and I wanted to share my favorite parts (even though all 17 pages were my favorite)…
Dr. Scott Peck goes on in his book to emphasize that “Love is not a feeling—love is a choice…love is an action….Listen to this: Peck goes so far to say that, “True love happens after the love starts to fade.”
“ In Young Womens, they always taught you to make a list of what you wanted in your husband and not to settle… my first husband fit my list perfectly, but my list was [too long]… there should just be five things on there that it comes down to: (everything else is just a matter of making it work with your spouse)does he have a testimony? Does he read his scriptures every day? Does he pay his tithing? Does he have a temple recommend? Is he doing well in school?
“ How can you know there wasn’t someone better out there than her for you? Lots of guys and girls struggle to commit… One man spoke of being influenced by his brother’s experience dating his spouse, where, “he wasn’t interested in other girls”: “I thought it meant you weren’t attracted to any girls anywhere, for the rest of eternity. When I was attracted to other girls, there were still girls on the radar, there were still others . . I would see another girl walk by, ‘wow, she’s prettier than the girl I’m with. I wonder what she’s like.’ He continued to explain that his assumption was “If I’m still attracted to other girls in my head, maybe I’m not ready to commit to this other girl.”
“1. Step one was creating the list we spoke about—8-10 people of the opposite sex with whom you have really connected….
2. Second, pick at least 2 people on your list that you can call at least one—maybe two people on this list—even the girls and see how they are doing…see if you can get together.
3. Step three: When you do interact…experiment with dating with a focus on their needs—practicing the radical Christian idea that love is about someone else….”
“believe that relationships grow. Invest in relationships where you do *not* feel head over heels…now—but with whom you connect in substantial ways.”
“you need to be in a relationship, even if it doesn’t work . . even if you aren’t twitter pated.’” So this man said, “I’m going to date this girl and have a really meaningful relationship and see where this goes.”—adding, “[before, unless I was completely blown away and infatuated, I had a hard time pursuing girls.”
“It totally changed my perception of what it meant to date—you really commit, your brain starts to move towards this person in a way that it doesn’t before you do that—i was amazed at how my feelings started to evolve with that. . . What it taught me was how much your feelings can evolve when you commit. I was grateful to have that experience as my baseline—to proceed forward and know that it was okay to risk a month to try something out and see how your feelings can evolve—because it was pretty amazing how that happened.”
“In the meantime, as you go through this process of practicing true love in real relationships, remember where to fill any holes that exist in your own heart and life. In my own hard times as a single, I personally had need to havesomeone fill my heart in the meantime. In this, I return to the most important of the point talk—from Monique’s comments. Neither before or after marriage will you find core, soul fulfillment in anything or anyone….without Christ at the center.”
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively . .
But God, to the believer says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
I love you my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
You will not be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united with Me
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires and longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,
and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best.
Please allow Me to bring it to you—
Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Just keep experiencing the satisfaction knowing that I Am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you . . and just wait, that’s all.
Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry.
Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I’ve given them.
Don’t look at the things you think you want.
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready,
I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,
(I am working even this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
I Am God Almighty.
Believe and be satisfied.
[Believe and Be Satisfied ~ Adapted from St. Anthony of Padua]
