How to push the buttons

This list is Hilarious and is not recommended to read in public, people will stair at you:

 

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."


2. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."


3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.


4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."


5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."


6. Practice making fax and modem noises.


7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.


8. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.


9. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."


10. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.


11. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.


12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.


13. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."


14. Staple pages in the middle of the page.


15. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.


16. Honk and wave to strangers.


17. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.


18. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.


19. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."


20. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.


21. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.


22. Ask people what gender they are.


23. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.


24. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.


25. Sing along at the opera.


26. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.


27. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."


28. Call your name over the intercom with a disquse 


29. Make your trash can "in" and your inbox "out" at work

 

I think this will make everyones day a lot better.

so Im on an airplane and everyone one that flys Delta was saying how they love how they have free wifi on flight.......My hopes we shot down. no wifi, no netflix or twitter or facebook. Horrible right. I mean If I hadnt known I would be offered it, I wont have cared but nope what a let down. Good thing Tadd Larsen is my flight attendant. how funny is that and how random. He was telling me that he hasn't flown in a month so the odds are "one in a million" haha. Hes funny he  just gave me about 20 complimentary Roasted Peanuts. I feel so special. And might I add he looks handsome in his delta flight attendant outfit. He's sitting right next to me and we are talking about about life and stuff, I just told him my crush and we're sharing a drink and laughing...in the air, he just left because the other flight attendant lady looked at him oddly. oooops. and he just spilled my drink. Great more water please!!! He just offered me some sugar to snort.....He's going to be a great dad.